Why I Don’t Date

Why I don’t date.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately due to multiple conversations with friends and also with erm…. myself. (Yes, I talk to myself.)

I have dated. And enjoyed myself, fully. (Hello, hot boys I’ve gotten to kiss!! *waves*)

But, this is not something I am interested in doing any more.

You say, “Why, Joy? Don’t you want to be desired and kissed and enjoy your life?! What ARE you some kind of spoil-sport?!”

Well, my darlings, it’s like this: guys are like drugs to me.
&I don’t do drugs.

The second a guy really kisses me, I stop being myself and start being someone else. Someone I don’t think that highly of.

I’ve always wanted to be courted. Somewhere in my mind I thought that sounded like a lovely idea.

Then I fell in love. Hard. So hard in fact that he’s still my best friend.

We dated 5 years and when we broke up in february of last year I read some advice that resonated with me:

Always take half the time you were with that person to allow yourself to get over that person.

Not everyone has to follow that advice but for me it makes so much sense. Little by little your brain creates new pathways and someone like me needs a lot of time to be myself, again.

So, August of next year will be 2.5 years and I will feel emotionally healed.

Oh, and THEN you’ll date??


You see, I’ve decided now that based on how I am and how I react to the opposite sex I need to give myself some guidelines.

(Some people are genetically predisposed to be alcoholics & they consciously avoid alcohol. This is a smart decision.)

I will not date but what I will do is allow a man to court me. (Like the royalty I am, hahahahahaha.)

What this really means is that a guy will spend time with me doing friend things but he will look into the future and consider if I might be the woman he would like to marry.

We will not mess around and I will not have my heart and brain squeezed into a vice and mutated by weird complicated gunk caused by dating.

Not everyone needs to do this.
I need to do this.

I need to be with someone who is looking into the future and not thinking of me as a temporary fun time.

The book that kick started this line of thinking was: Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris

I love the idea of a guy liking a girl and then asking her parents (in this case, my mom) if he can court her and then spending real time getting to know her (not just dating a pretty girl so he can kiss her and eventually get in her pants)

This might seem quaint and old-fashioned, even tightly buttoned.
(Joy, I thought you were a free thinker and comfortable with your body?)

The thing is, I am. &I want to honor my body and i value my emotional life.

Courting is not a boring ordeal, it’s just a relationship with a different goal. The end goal is not sex, the end goal is seeing if you really want to make a life with this other person.

To me, a sexy man is one who truly values a woman enough to pursue her and seriously considers if she is his ridiculously gorgeous future wife. Really a lot sexier than a guy who thinks mostly about how he can get a girl into bed

That’s my truth. What’s yours?

Joy Boardman

Massage Therapist and Collage Art Therapist

Planet Joy: Otherworldly Massages for Women, Planet-Friendly Collages for Everyone

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