True Story: I Have Apeirophobia (the fear of infinity)

image

Apeirophobia is also known as:

⊙The fear of infinity

⊙Infinity phobia

⊙The fear of space going on forever

⊙The fear of things that never end

Infinity is a floorless room without walls or ceiling.

image

Symptoms:

Shortness of breath or smothering sensation

Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate

Feeling unsteady, dizzy, lightheaded, or faint

“Eternity is said not to be an extension of time but an absence of time, and sometimes it seemed to me that her abandonment touched that strange mathematical point of endlessness, a point with no width, occupying no space.”
-Graham Greene

image

Ever since I was little, I’ve had panic attacks whenever I thought about the fact that when we die (no matter what your beliefs are) the ending is perpetual.

People from church used to try to reassure me by reminding me how wonderful heaven will be, but that’s not the point. The point is that your life never actually ENDS.

I’m not even that afraid of dying because you die and then that part is over.

If I go to heaven, I’ll be in a beautiful place with God and people I love….FOREVER.
If nothing happens, nothing happens…..FOREVER.

There’s no getting out of it. It’s inevitable and it’s forever. And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…..

The most helpful thing for me has been to bring myself back to the present moment and consider it like a journey.

When you plan for a journey, you have all these preconceived notions but once you are actually there it is so very different from what you expected and you just put one foot in front of the other.

“”I mean, d’you know what eternity is? There’s this big mountain, see, a mile high, at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years there’s this little bird-”

“What little bird?” said Aziraphale suspiciously.

“This little bird I’m talking about. And every thousand years-”

“The same bird every thousand years?”

Crowley hesitated. “Yeah,” he said.

“Bloody ancient bird, then.”

“Okay. And every thousand years this bird flies-”

“-limps-”

“-flies all the way to this mountain and sharpens its beak-”

“Hold on. You can’t do that. Between here and the end of the universe there’s loads of-” The angel waved a hand expansively, if a little unsteadily. “Loads of buggerall, dear boy.”

“But it gets there anyway,” Crowley persevered.

“How?”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“It could use a space ship,” said the angel.

Crowley subsided a bit. “Yeah,” he said. “If you like. Anyway, this bird-”

“Only it is the end of the universe we’re talking about,” said Aziraphale. “So it’d have to be one of those space ships where your descendants are the ones who get out at the other end. You have to tell your descendants, you say, When you get to the Mountain, you’ve got to-” He hesitated. “What have
they got to do?”

“Sharpen its beak on the mountain,” said Crowley. “And then it flies back-”

“-in the space ship-”

“And after a thousand years it goes and does it all again,” said Crowley quickly.

There was a moment of drunken silence.

“Seems a lot of effort just to sharpen a beak,” mused Aziraphale.

“Listen,” said Crowley urgently, “the point is that when the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, right, then-”

Aziraphale opened his mouth. Crowley just knew he was going to make some point about the relative hardness of birds’ beaks and granite mountains, and plunged on quickly.

“-then you still won’t have finished watching The Sound of Music.”

Aziraphale froze.

“And you’ll enjoy it,” Crowley said relentlessly. “You really will.”

“My dear boy-”

“You won’t have a choice.”

“Listen-”

“Heaven has no taste.”

“Now-”

“And not one single sushi restaurant.”

A look of pain crossed the angel’s suddenly very serious face.”

-from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman

No longer confused: Writing Exercise

20130525-164743.jpgphoto by Josh Kamikaze

–with many thanks to Alexandra Franzen for her “Great I Am”worksheet.

I am a massage therapist and an artist. I make collages and other lovely quirky things. I’m also a pet sitter and an art model.

But really I’m a funky, laid back, down-to-earth, silly girl. A world-traveler, dancer, pixie-cat, Wonder Woman exhibitionist with Harley Quinn tendencies. I’m a fire tiger bull crab with wild hair and sparkling eyes. I’m a fork who loves to laugh & sing off-key. I love to love and be loved. I’m a sunshine-warmth-comfort craver.

I’m amazing at dancing, making people happy, being honest, touching people, watching movies, taking walks, picking flowers.

I’ve devoted most of my life to being happy, playing, enjoying myself, connecting, understanding.

When you work with me you can expect to be happy and smiling and feel relaxed and rejuvenated. You’ll feel bolstered and encouraged and appreciated, understood, joyful, giddy, and smart.

You’ll probably be surprised and delighted by how laid back I am and how much I want to get to truly know you, how much fun you can have, how connected we can feel, how real I am.

My work matters because it alleviates the suffering caused by overwork, depression, stress, too much GO GO GO. My work makes the world a more joyful place. It allows people to experience calm and care and pleasure. Without it, we’d all be wound-up, angry, emotional, and tired. It matters because its healthy.

I’m here to remind you that life is short: enjoy yourself. Find your people and connect, relax & take care of your body–love yourself and others.

My question for you is: what are you afraid of? What do you hope for most of all? What do you REALLY want to do with your life? How can you make it happen? Where have you been and where do you want to go? (and can I come, too?)

To sum it up? I’m a completely astonishing work of art. Love me and I’ll love you right back.

Now: tell me what do you love? Who are you?

Working for Myself

20121115-092525.jpg
Awesome Temporary Tattoo by Tattly

How Did I Decide To Work For Myself?

I got to a point where I decided I had had enough of working for other people. I am very independent and I wanted to work for myself. I have lots of things I love to do so I made a list, picked a few and saw how they could be connected.

At first I wanted to make and sell baked goods but then I realized I didn't really like baking, haha ;)

After losing a few jobs for reasons out if my control in the slumping economy, I realized that working for myself was something that needed to happen. Working as a manager in a tea shop and an ice creams shop, I had observed that I would be fully capable as a business owner.

Working as a barista and during the super busy sale season at a high-end retail shop, I noticed that I thrive in situations when I have a lot going on at once with a lot of decisions needing to be made. I am a multitasking maverick.

I opened my card shop on Etsy and printed my very first cards. It was so invigorating doing something new.

Around the same time, I took a yoga class with a woman who was studying massage therapy. A lightbulb went off. Hello!! That sounded like a brilliant career.

I researched massage schools and found one in Charlottesville. In a whirlwind I got signed up and began classes. I met some fantastic people and enjoyed my classes so much, I knew it was the right fit for me.

Having goals written down helped so much. It’s almost as though writing them down helped them happen because everything shot off the ground so fast.

Now I am my own boss. And my business is beginning to soar because I believe in it. I think your own personal mindset is so important to helping your business thrive. If you believe in what you are doing and you seek to do your very best, other people will support you and believe in you, too.

20121115-092601.jpg
Collage design by Artistic Drama

Who Am I, Today?

20121114-221355.jpgWho Am I?
I’m Joy.
I’m from Staunton, Virginia and today I am a massage therapist, collage designer.
I’m an eccentric hippie, art model currently studying geology and world literature.
20121114-221456.jpg
I have two cats,
20121114-221228.jpgCayenne20121114-221242.jpgBiscotti

I have a great mom,
20121114-221428.jpgand an awesome partner in crime whom I love very much.
20121114-221558.jpg
(He was the cutest kid in the history of ever.)

I help people feel happier and healthier. I surprise people with batches of brownies and care packages and funny cards.
20121114-222647.jpg
I work from my home and I do massages in my living room, outside on my porch, or in other people’s homes.

I am happy. 20121114-221721.jpg